Babies come with lots of joy and fulfillment, but raising them borders between mixed feelings, love, and plenty of anxiety.
All in the fear of how best to raise them.
The kids we’re having now aren’t the kids that we used to have.
In those days, weren’t we so smart? And our parents are better able to handle us without so much pain in the ass.
Right now, even a two-year-old has a long list of opinions that they not only manifest but hold on to so tightly that you begin to wonder if they’re little kids.
And then, as a parent, you are left with no other choice but to scream your head off, worsening everything!
People will also not help matters; they will judge.
They will call you all sorts of names, they will tell you that your bad parenting skills are what is manifesting in your kid.
They will throw myriads of opinions at you.
Some will even want you to kill yourself!
And those with kids who are naturally calm, won’t stop boasting about their parenting skills.
Having headstrong and hyperactive children is a blessing in So Many Ways!
They are cute, confident, independent and super smart- all you have to do is a little twerk, here and there, in your parenting skills to make the most and the best out of them.
( How to Parent Hyperactive, Stubborn and Opinionated Kids?)
To be specific-
How can a kid be hyperactive, opinionated and stubborn?
Trust me, you will know a hyperactive kid by just spending 30 minutes with them.
Hyperactive toddlers or kids are everywhere!!!
They can’t seem to sit in a place!
They are kids who find joy in being with themselves!
Hyperactive kids formulate play for themselves or a game that only they understand.
They can turn 360, scatter up the whole place in a matter of minutes, bite, scream, throw things, and….what have you?
A kid is opinionated when they do not succumb to a given rule or choice made by you as a parent, but rather they stick to their own choices and remain unbent.
And then, “Stubborn”-not giving in, staying headstrong in a situation, being irrational, and refusing to obey commands or given rules, are some of the ways, I can describe stubbornness in children.
And then, if you are fortunate, I won’t call it unfortunate, to have one or more of these kinds of kids,
then you are bound to be tensed, worked up, and irrational if you do not beat nature at it games ???????? ???? and use tactics.
I have three of them, so I know exactly what I’m talking about.
So how can you be a calm parent to hyperactive, opinionated, and stubborn kids without losing your cool or having a nervous breakdown in the process?
You can also read this post I wrote on Positive Parenting For New Moms.
How to Parent Hyperactive, Stubborn and Opinionated Kids
I will tell you how!!!
1) pray and meditate as part of your morning routine- How to Parent Hyperactive Stubborn and Opinionated Kids
Anxiety, stress and restlessness can make parenting even more difficult, but a little bit of self care can make the process less cumbersome.
15-minute morning routines that involve prayers and meditation can go a long way to ease your stress level, anxiety and panic.
Meditating for at least 5 minutes everyday, can teach you how to be calm, it can also help unlock the powers of patience, and calm your nerves- which are one of the few steps to achieving positive and calm parenting.
And what of prayers?
Prayers are the only key to unlocking peace and progress in your life.
Tell God to direct your affairs and raise your kids for you!
Tell him to guide them to be decent, helpful, and successful through the term of their lives.
God answers all prayers that are good!
2) Don’t give commands, just set the pace
It is usually disturbing to know that you can’t instruct your little child and then they obey, I totally understand.
The normal thing is, to give an instruction and they follow.
But it is not the case with opinionated kids.
If you want an opinionated and stubborn kid to do something for you, then you cannot stretch your leg and throw commands, because it will be met with defiance, anger, and gibberish.
Instead of saying “James, pick up those balls!”
Say “James, I want us to clear up this place so that it will look very beautiful for you to play”
You can then pretend to bend over or actually start picking one or two balls and then you will see him follow.
Opinionated and stubborn kids are wired in such a way that, when you give them commands, they simply can’t understand why they should obey them.
Inside their head, they are wondering “Who you are to command them?????”
But some people get it wrong when they have kids who naturally listen to them, they believe people with hyperactive, opinionated, and stubborn kids, are not raising them properly!
I would never have known the difference too, until I had three of them.
Two are very opinionated, hyperactive and terribly stubborn.
While the last one, will do whatever I ask, the minute I just ask!
Now, I understand everything, I don’t listen to anyone who questions my parenting- I kick them out!!!
Try hard not to be commanding when seeking something or directing your headstrong child, but be relaxing, dramatic and polite.
Always use “please,” the word “please” does magic to them!
3) Be dramatic, and set competition with demands.
If you have two or more opinionated and stubborn kids who usually won’t listen to you, or do any chores, then be dramatic and set competition with demands.
Let’s say you have three very opinionated and headstrong children, and there is paper trash or any other trash on the ground you want them all to pick, then,
Don’t call anyone by the name, just run into the living room or the bedroom or the place you want to be cleaned and start a drama!
You can start by talking aloud yourself like saying “Oh, this place is such a mess, and anyone who comes here, will think me and the kids are so dirty and we are not!”
Make sure they can hear you!
You can then say, “Kids, who will be the first to help mummy clean up this mess that will make us look like dirty people?”
You will see them all scrambling to the floor, picking up the whole mess even before you say “Hey”
4). Run errands for them too
It’s so funny even saying it!
Some moms will say “Oh, no, you’re actually spoiling the child”
But these are your own challenges, you’re the one wearing the shoes, and as long as whatever strategy you are taking to work things out, is not abhorrent, then, feel free to try it!
I never knew this worked, until one evening, my very headstrong 5-year-old came to me sitting on the pouch outside and then pass me his empty plates.
He said, “Mom keep this plate in the kitchen!”
The first thing that came to my mind was to yell hysterically like I usually do anytime he asked me to run errands for him.
But to my surprise, that evening I didn’t yell, Rather, I told him to sit beside me.
I asked him, “Why are you asking me to run errands for you, I mean, I am your mom, I am the one supposed to ask you to do one or two things for me, it shouldn’t be the other way around!”
And he said Mum you don’t love me and we are not even friends because friends do things for each other.
You make me run errands for you while you do nothing for me!”
It was an explosive outburst which I never expected.
I just looked at his face, it was in so much pain.
I just sat there looking at him speechless and then I got up kept the plate and came back to sit with him.
I hugged him and told him how much I loved him.
I assured him that asking him to run errands does not mean I disrespect him or hate him, but because, it’s part of the responsibility of every kid to take care of themselves, and their environment, obey and assist their parents.
After that day, we never had a dispute over who had the final authority.
I could ask him to do anything when he is in a good mood and he will just do it without complaining.
Because in most rare cases, I run errands for him too and he understands and appreciates it.
5). Always use positive words
The first thing kids pick up from you or from their environment is, “swear words” and stubborn kids pick up harsh words better than anyone else.
if you are a parent who slips on bad words, then your stubborn kid will pick it up faster than you will want.
When your demands as a parent are met with defiance, do not scream; “I will kick you or slap you or toss you out,” do not yell obscenities.
Keep cool and use positive words, because yelling and screaming harsh words will only make them worse off.
It will only add violent speeches to the list of bad behavior you’re going to tame.
Words like; I am sorry, I love you, It’s OK, you’re beautiful, you can do it, you are the best, can go a long way to balm their stubborn minds and create room for calmness, understanding and love.
6) Understand chores according to age.
Understand chores by age so you don’t frustrate yourself and your little one.
There’s a very thin line between making your kids do regular chores from abusing them.
Assigning proper chores by age to kids build their self-confidence and makes them feel relevant and useful instead of feeling drained and frustrated.
Here is a list of some age-appropriate chores.
AGE APPROPRIATE CHORES
Which type of chores should children do at a particular age? Here’s a list of age-appropriate chores.
- Put toys away
- Put their dirty clothes in laundry basket
- Wipe the table after eating
- Put plates in dishwasher after eating
- Make bed
- Set tables for breakfast or dinner
- Use small vacuum mildly
- Water flowers daily
- Help unload dishwasher
- Wash minor dishes
- Clear tables after eating
- Fold clothes
- Clean windows and small cupboards
- Sort laundry
- Sweep floors ( kitchen, rooms)
- Set laundry (washer to dryer)
- Fold laundry
- Help prepare dinner (pass spices, salt, water etc)
- Help load and unload dishwasher
- Put away all dirty laundry
- Help put away groceries in their respective places.
- Cook noodles
- Boil eggs and fry
- Clean bathrooms
- Load and unload dishwasher
- Wash laundry
- Take out trash
- Move the trash can to the street
- Set tables and clear them too
7) Offer choices
Opinionated and stubborn kids do not do well with command.
So instead of saying “John, I want you to wear the green sweater and the black shoe!”…. say “John, do you want to wear the black shoes plus your green sweater or the red shoes plus your black sweater?”
Now, you’re making them feel better!
You’re making them feel in charge not subjugated or commanded.
Headstrong kids love to make their own individual decisions because they see themselves as adults who should make their own decisions.
When you give them the benefit of making their own personal choices, they begin to trust you, love you, and par with you.
You, in turn, will suffer less tantrums and arguments.
8) Create cognitive tasks for them
Hyperactive kids need unending cognitive tasks because if you don’t get them busy, they are going to get busy with your important stuff and then create a whole lot of mess for you and yourself.
Incorporating play and cognitive tasks encourages the development of their fine motor skills and visual perception skills needed for handwriting, Reading and assessments.
You can incorporate learning objectives such as easy math, color-matching English language, arts and so many other DIYs.
You can make a DIY color-matching task by connecting different color threads together and then asking your child to place them according to their colors in a multi-colored DIY box.
Or give them a large piece of cardboard paper with several crayons and tell them to make objects according to the color acquirement in each colored item on the cardboard.
Fun DIYs are engaging for children- They will prevent them from messy plays, fighting, scattering, or unnecessary tantrums due to boredom.
9). Make them sleep earlier.
If your child did not get enough sleep at night, they become clumsy and very fussy the following day.
Moms or parents with kids that do not go to bed early are usually restless and temperamental.
When your kids go to bed early, it affords you the necessary time to do what matters most for yourself, including practicing healthy bedtime rituals which are essential for your well-being and theirs.
Make them sleep early by feeding them lightly and dressing them in comfortable clothing.
10) spend time with them
Sometimes it’s not easy to find time to spend with your kids, especially if you are a mom or dad who juggles jobs or strive so hard to meet financial needs.
You realize that you burn everyday full of stress and simply can’t find the time to be with your children.
But spending time with your kids has a lot of impact on their psychological well-being.
A child with parents who are always busy feels neglected, they become hardened and very rigid.
Create the time to spend with them no matter how busy you are, don’t just postpone it.
The more you keep postponing, time just flies, and you realize Monday has slipped into Sunday and then Sunday has slipped into another Sunday and you still have not been able to create the time to spend with them.
Whatever you’re doing now, just take a break and go home and spend at least an hour with them everyday.
I’m a very busy parent, but at night, I tried to lie down in bed with them and have them tell me how their day went.
We talk for at least an hour before they fall asleep, and then I go back to my normal routine.
It helps a lot when kids feel loved by you, it’s much easier to mold them according to your standards and expectations because they will be more willing to do as you want.
Parenting is not easy, we all struggle so hard to be good parents everyday to our children.
The above are helpful tips that will guide you in raising any type of kid but especially stubborn and hyperactive ones.
How to parent hyperactive, stubborn and opinionated kids.
- Pray and meditate as part of your morning routine
- Don’t just give commands set the pace
- Be dramatic, set competition with demands
- Run errands for them too
- Always use positive words
- Understand chores by age
- Offer choices
- Create cognitive tasks for them
- Make them sleep earlier
- Spend time with them.
Let’s start a conversation below!
How did you successfully parent your stubborn kid if you have one?
What are your success tips?
Please share with us in the comment section below!
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How to Parent Hyperactive, Stubborn and Opinionated Kids